I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
