So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
