Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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