As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
