I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
