hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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