I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
