Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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