i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
