Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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