I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
