Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
