I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
