So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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