It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
