If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
