Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
