Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
