Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
