Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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