Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and she was petting her beer can
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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