Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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