I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
