this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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