You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
