we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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