i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
