and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
