matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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