You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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