Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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