well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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