Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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