All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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