I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
