how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
