Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
