God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
