I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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