He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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