wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
