i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
