turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
