I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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