Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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