I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
In America we eat man semen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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