have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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