Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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