Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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