I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
