im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
