So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
