Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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