Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
