So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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