Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
