I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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